I feel almost like I have been out of touch with the real world for a really long time. For about the past month I have been fairly sick, usually off and on, but frequent enough for me to realize that there is something wrong. So Monday I finally got up the nerve to go to the doctor. For those of you who do not know me, I HATE GOING TO THE DOCTOR! I realize that is absolutely horrible and I'm for sure going to work on that.
WELL. Before deciding to go to the doctor I have been on an emotional and honestly, a spiritual roller coaster. We have all heard it said many times that its easier to trust in God when things are going right then when they aren't going right. Learned this lesson...again, accept this time was different. Lately I have really found a growth in my passion for God's word like I believe we all should. And I noticed that this time, as I have been struggling, the struggles may not have been easier for me, but there was so much more peace in these struggles. [Much of my stress has also come from it being the end of the semester!]
I spent many nights in frustrated tears not knowing where to turn or what to do and let me just tell you GOD NEVER LEFT MY SIDE. Even when I was physically and emotionally in pain, He was always there...holding me in His arms. The night before I went to the doctor I was extremely distraught because I knew that it could be something simple or there could be something more seriously wrong with me than a bad case of the stomach virus. It was difficult for me to face, but the Lord laid a passage on my heart:
Psalm 23
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord FOREVER."
God gives us His word to speak to us in times of sorrow, pain, suffering, and even joy and happiness. After reading this passage, I found that I was praying for the wrong things. I was being selfish. In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus prays to God, "My, Father, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will." (Matthew 26:39) I was praying for my own will. For God to use me, but as a perfectly healthy 19 year old girl. I didn't want to go to the doctor and have anything wrong with me, I wanted it to merely be a bad case of the stomach virus. But I didn't take into account how God could use me if something was in fact "wrong" with me. And even when we aren't sick, and things are just not going how we planned them to we get so irritated. I have found so much peace and comfort in asking for peace in God's will instead of pleading with Him to give me mine. [Newsflash: His will is ALWAYS superior, and its wonderful (Jeremiah 29:11)]
Secondly, in sickness there is a lot of the times much fear, and for me there was mainly because of uncertainty. Then I get to verse 4. Even while walking through DEATH I will fear NO evil. Why? Because my God is WITH me? Was/Am I dying? No. But He is still so very faithful and He will never leave my side in my smallest fears. And then finally, regardless of what was going to happen in the doctor's office Monday afternoon...I will dwell in MY FATHER'S house FOREVER. How wonderful and how great!
SO...after getting blood drawn, x-rayed, and passing out I find out that chances are I have a gluten intolerance. So not fun, but I am so very thankful because it could have been so much worse. As I sit here trying to deal with this new food allergy, (I'm already lactose intolerant) I am trying my hardest not to dwell on what I can't eat, but instead find new, tasty things that I enjoy eating. I know its going to take time and going to be very frustrating, but somehow God is going to use this for His glory, and I'm absolutely okay with that.
Everything I have said in today's post applies to every day life, not just when we are sick. When you are having a bad day, or a friend or family member hurts you. It doesn't matter because God is always with us!
On and less serious note, anyone have some recipes? Ideas? I would love to hear from those of you with gluten free tips! :)
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