All I Need

Man...what a week...well, what a month.  Do you ever just have those weeks or, in my case, those months where you're just stuck in a rut of bad mood, stress, tears, confusion, exhaustion?  Of course you do, we ALL do.  

As I'm preparing to move on to my senior year as an elementary/special education major, the demands are ever increasing.  I do understand that I'm not alone in this one, but this amount of work and stress is definitely not something I was prepared for, nor had I realized would hit me so soon.  I guess you can say I'm being welcomed to the real world with an ever so humbling welcome. 

If you've been around me more than once lately, you've probably noticed my ever-increasing grumpiness and you've probably seen one or more of the following:  tears, anger, panic attacks, hair pulling out, stress eating, stress not eating, etc... It's almost one of those moments where I feel like I'm drowning in my own world but I'm also trying to live in the worlds of my parents, sisters, friends, boyfriend, and yes...even Paisley's world.

Here's the issue.  I feel like sometimes when things get so out of hand and overwhelming we forget things...a lot of things.  We forget that everyone else around us is going through or has been through the same feeling.  We forget how to love those around us by showing patience and a lack of selfishness.  We forget that life moves on whether or not you made your bed or dinner was ready on time.  We forget that we have the BEST lifeguard to pull us from the tossing waves of the ocean of life.  And along with that...we forget that we don't TRULY need any of these things that cause us so much stress and worry...He is truly all that we NEED.  For...as it says in John 15, apart from Him we can do nothing.

Over and over again I have been finding myself saying things like, 

"I NEED more money to do the things I WANT to do."

"I NEED Zack to come home so that I can have my best friend in the same city."

"I NEED to get a perfect score on this assignment."

"I NEED..."

You finish that last one.  We all do it.  But what I have come to realize lately, I don't NEED any of these things.  At all.  I NEED time with my Savior every day.  I NEED to rest in Christ's love for me.  I NEED to stop trying to control my life when He knows exactly what's going to happen.  I NEED to abide in His love, truth, and words every second of every day.  Why?  Because apart from Him I am NOTHING.  Is it wrong to want these things? I don't think so...but is your want for these things an idol?  Are you putting these wants before the One true God that you really do need?  Because that's all they really are...they're merely wants.  

Now, I'm not saying that you can't have anything you want...I'm saying that you have to rest in the fact that God is going to give you everything you need and the more time you spend meditating and praying with your Heavenly Father...the less your wants affect you.  Luckily we have a loving God who delights in our joy and He sends many blessings every day.  But what are your motives when you ask Him for things?  (I promise I'm just as convicted and am no way putting myself above you, reader).  

I've been blessed with numerous job opportunities and loving people who He has used to bless me with work, a place to live, and a homes away from home.  To you all (you know who you are)  I will never be able to have the right words to express my gratitude.  I have been blessed with so many opportunities to spend time with Zack even though He is 200 miles away (only 1 more month)! I have also been blessed with so many family and friends and Godly women who have poured into my life, especially over this past week and have held me accountable and encouraged me.

I'm convicted because some of these things I did ask for out of selfishness...but my God blessed me with them in such a way that said, "I am Your God.  None of this is because of what you have done or will ever do. All of this that I give to you is because of who I am and what I did for You.  You are MY child...I won't let you fall...REST IN ME!"  I don't deserve anything that I have been blessed with over the past few weeks and months or anything from the past 20 years.  I didn't deserve the price He paid for me on that cross so many years ago.  BUT His grace and mercy is enough and it's such a beautiful thing. 

This song is my heart's cry today and every day.  I already have all I need because of Him and who I am in Him.  Let go.  Surrender.  When you realize that He truly is all you need...its a humbling realization.  Plus...You actually realize how blessed you really are.  Christ is the greatest gift we will ever receive.

Already All I Need - Christy Nockels

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Asking where You are Lord, wondering where You've been
Is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind
Hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am
Is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand

You fill the sun with morning light
You bent the moon to lead the night
You clothed the lilies bright and beautiful

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.
 
Walking through this life without your freedom in my heart
Is like holding onto shackles that You have torn apart
So remind me of your promises and all that You have done
In this world I will have trouble, but You have overcome
And every gift that I receive, You determined just for me
 
But nothing I desire compares to You
In your fullness, You're my all in all
In your healing, I'm forever made whole
In your freedom, Your love overflows and carries me
You carry me, yes You carry me, You carry me