Diamonds...Diamonds...Diamonds

Now that I have hit the ripe young age of 21, all of my friends seem to be getting married and my Facebook news feed is covered in all sorts of diamond rings.  Not to mention I work with a wedding photographer and get to those rings too!  I almost feel like I'm suffocating in weddings and diamonds sometimes!!  So as my life revolves a lot around weddings these days as I'm helping friends plan theirs and working at others, I usually block out any kind of advertisement involving wedding this or wedding that.

However, the other day I heard a jewelry store's advertisement for engagement rings on the radio and happened to turn this one up.  NO, not because I was interested in their rings, but because I was almost infuriated by what they were saying! I actually found myself yelling at my car radio! (I will not say the name of the company...mainly because I can't remember!)

The commercial went on to say (I'm paraphrasing and this is in no way verbatim), "Do you have a special someone in your life?  Buy her a ring for Blah Blah Jewelers and she will know how much you love her.  So many times we have customers come into our stores to tell us their stories about how wonderful their life is because of the ring he chose.  If you choose one of our fine Blah Blah carat engagement ring, she will be sure to realize how much you really do care for her, after all, she'll know that you spent plenty of money and time picking out such a quality piece.  I know that if you buy her this high value/quality ring from our store, your marriage will end up much better.  Because when you choose the right ring, you're choosing future happiness and a longer marriage for your future!"

Wait what?! Are you kidding me?! Am I the only one who is disturbed by this advertising "garbage??"

Unfortunately, the above was not exaggerated and the man in so many words said that your marriage will be happier and last longer if you pick the right ring for your lady....

Marriage is not about what ring your man could or could not afford or even if he thought for more than 5 minutes on what ring to buy you.  As a girl who is not married or engaged, the only thing I would ever hope for is a man who knows that they DON'T need a ring to earn my love for them and that ANY ring that they give me would be more than enough.  I hate that our society has become so materialistic that even the institution and relationship of a marriage has become so watered down and convoluted that it's hardly about our God who made it anymore!

Marriage is about LOVE.  Without love it is IMPOSSIBLE for two sinners be joined in marriage.  And again, not society's definition of love...God's definition....

"Love is patient and kind; love does NOT envy or boast; it is NOT arrogant or rude.  It does NOT insist on its own way; it is NOT irritable or resentful; it does NOT rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Marriage is a beautiful gift from God.  It is a union based on the love and community of our God.  It is sacred and personal.  It is two people working together to bring glory to our Lord.  It is not about how big your house is, how much your spouse makes, or WHAT RING YOU HAVE!

I'm sorry for the rant, but its heartbreaking to see our world move farther away from God...the creator of ALL things...and more towards worshiping the THINGS that God created.  YOU can be the light.  YOU can be the change.  Thank God for the THINGS he has blessed you with, but don't put those things higher than they really are.  

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Matthew 6:19-21

Stuck in the Same Routine

Does it ever seem like your days are literally slipping through your fingers and no matter how much you did or didn't do…absolutely nothing was accomplished and you just feel drained? Then you ask, where's the coffee? where's the energy drink?  is it time for bed yet?
Sometimes I'm just tired of the repetition of every single day.

Wake up
Take a shower
Eat breakfast
Wonder what to do
Weigh the possibilities of what to do
Dread doing the things you have to do (laundry, clean,…pick your poison)
Make dinner
Go to bed

REPEAT

This really more applies to me during the school year when I have loads of  homework that has to be done or another wedding to edit.  Life just seems draining.  And those are the good days!  What about the days when you start out by waking up late, you wake up sick, you burn your finger on something, or in other words anything that could go wrong will go wrong. 

I have felt really convicted lately because I have found myself getting stuck in a routine.  Doing or not doing the same things over and over again.  Why you ask?  It's never really the same reason.  Sometimes I want to watch a movie, other times I want just five more minutes of sleep, sometimes I simply want to avoid the gas station even if that means sitting on my rear end and not doing anything all day. 

The problem with all of this is that how many times do I stop and "smell the roses"?  How many times do I use that wasted time to do things that would better suit my spirit or my time.  How many times do I sit there and complain about a wrong in my life or this world and don't do anything about it. 

I have found most recently that this extra time, this free time can be so better used.  Instead of sitting here twiddling my thumbs…how about reading into God's word.  (And I'm not talking about just taking a glimpse at YouVersion's verse of the day.)  I'm talking about really thinking about what God's words can say to you TODAY or in this moment. 

Let's all be honest, (remember I do this too), how many times do we check Facebook/Twitter/Instagram, only to check it in 5 minutes to see what else may have popped up in someone else's life.  I do it ALL THE TIME.  "I'm bored!  Let's see how much more interesting everyone else's life is!"  When in reality it only makes me feel much worse. 

So here is a challenge…to you AND definitely me.  Use those moments of spare time.  Take a day where you aren't constantly relying on what the internet can tell you about someone else and how awesome their day seems to be.  Open your bible.  Take a look at what God has to tell you today.  He really does make for a GREAT conversation partner! :)
I've found that the more time I spend with God, the more I have days where things don't seem so mundane.  I have more days where I go to sleep satisfied.  We were meant for community and ESPECIALLY a community with him.  Find that relationship, revive that relationship, awaken that relationship.  It really is a great one.

I guess the point of this post, like most of them, is to just share a thought.  My thought today (hopefully it wasn't lost in this huge pile of words) was that more and more I find myself completely tapped out because of the routine of every day life.  But I have discovered that the solution isn't what else can I do, or what coffee or energy drink will get the job done…it's really what can I do differently with my time to make it more worthwhile? 

Answer:  Spend time with the One who gave me this time.  I find that on days where my sole purpose is to seek Him and only Him and bring Him glory…I am happier…I'm free…I'm filled with rest and peace.  Make time for your Father.  There will always be plenty of time, regardless of how busy you are or think you are.  Start tomorrow with His words, praise Him in EVERYTHING you do!  Find out what your christian radio station is and keep it on every chance you get.  I PROMISE it'll make the biggest difference in the world.

"Lost time is never found again."

-Benjamin Franklin

Home Sweet Home

I don't know how typical this is for someone my age, but I almost feel like all I do is move.  Since I started college, I have moved a total of 5 times.  I am about to start my senior year.  Needless to say, I feel like the definition of a nomad.  For those of you who have tried to keep up with me via snail mail…I do apologize. :)

For those of you who do not know, I moved almost 2 months ago.  Of course I was a little irritated because once again all of my things are in boxes and I have no clue where anything is…Well, I do now.  For me, one of the hardest things about growing up has been moving out into the big world on my own. 

Whenever I go back to my parent's house, my room that I grew up in is now my little sisters room and all of my things (that I don't have with me) are in boxes in the attic.  Oddly, I'm okay with this.  It's sad because I realize that I'm a big girl and I'm never going to live at home with my parents again, but its SO exciting!  I'm a big girl and I'm kind of on my own! 

The frustrating things is that I'm tired of moving and I know that in, what's not less than a year, I will be packing my things up in boxes and be moving into a new home…which I have no clue where that is at the moment.  But that's OKAY! I have a while to figure that out.

When it came time for me to figure out my living situation for this next year I was really concerned.  My best friend who I was living with was graduating and moving back to Georgia and everyone else had pretty much found a place to live.  I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted to stay in the same house or try to find somewhere else.  I prayed and prayed for God to lead me in my decision.  There were pros and cons to just about every situation that arose and I was completely BEFUDDLED (love that word)! 

God always answers prayers…and He always surprises us with His answers.  One day I was talking with some friends of mine and Zack who have 3 beautiful children from Peru.  I really love them all so dearly.  He is the youth minister and the church I am attending and he and his wife have played such a major part in my life and mine and Zack's relationship.  They really are some of our best friends!   Anyways…they invited me to come and stay with them for the year.

Little did they know it was an answer to so many different prayers that had been on my heart for quite some time.  Of course I asked them a million times, "Are you really sure about that?!"  Long story short, here I am…another resident in their home!  And if you haven't talked to me recently…I'm LOVING every single second of it! 

I love hanging out with their 2 daughters and letting them paint my fingernails many different colors.  I love watching kids movies all the time and listening to the crazy things they have to say.  I really love being around a family who love the Lord as much as they do and who is willing to share their lives with a broke college student who doesn't have as much to offer.

Never in a million years did I expect to be living where I'm living given the circumstances that I was in over the past few months.  Circumstances filled with confusion and uncertainty and a little fear.  I had no idea what God had planned for me and I still don't see the whole picture…and I won't until I see Him face to face.  But I do know that He DOES have a plan for me and he will always take care of me.  It may not be in the way I expected, but it will ALWAYS be better than I could have every imagined.   

"And we know that ALL things work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:28

Finding Yourself at a Crossroads

"Transformation without work and pain, without suffering, without a sense of loss is just an illusion of true change."  

- William P. Young

What a profound statement!  Currently, I'm reading a book called Crossroads by the author of the quote above.  I truly recommend reading this book, and if you haven't read his other book, The Shack, read that one too!!  Because I don't want to ruin the book at all for you (should you choose to read it), I am not going to talk about it at all...I will only share what this book got me thinking about via the quote above...do read it again! :)

Here we GO!!

Transformation: noun; the change of nature, appearance, form or character.

Simple concept, is it not...at least it seems that way?  But why is it that when we talk about the transformation of our hearts or attitude it becomes seemingly impossible?  Maybe it's because we are not accepting this change openly or wholeheartedly...it isn't true change...its an illusion.

I cannot tell you how many times in church I have sung the ever popular invitation,

"Change my heart, O God,

Make it ever true.

Change me heart, O God,

May I be like you."

We are asking for change.  We are asking for TRANSFORMATION.  And according to the statement, which as you can tell I completely agree with, we are ALSO asking for an almost guaranteed work, pain, and sense of loss.  DO NOT GET ME WRONG...because that may be where I lose some of you...PLEASE keep reading.

I do ask for transformation...every single day that I am alive.  Why?  Because my heart longs for it...to me, being one with Christ and walking in His truth every step of the way is WORTH IT.  My life may look like its easy from the outside.  I have a car, a nice place to live, friends, a loving family, a wonderful boyfriend who also has a loving family, I am almost finished with college.  But don't most things look easy and fine from the outside?  

Yes, I am VERY blessed with everything that I have, but there have definitely been many times of heartache, pain, loneliness, hurt, and struggles.  Most of them have preceded transformation, and let me tell you...I wouldn't change a single bad thing that has happened in my life.  Why?  Because through them I have been transformed.  In some cases I have been made stronger, and in others, I have been made new.  There is ALWAYS a light at the end of the tunnel and there is ALWAYS a silver lining...His name is Jesus. 

My Lord, My God is with me EVERY single step of the way! Through trials...tribulations...rainy days...boring days...busy days...exciting days...and yes, even finals week! :) He is right there, are you ignoring Him or are you holding His hand?  He will NEVER leave your side.  There is not a person on this Earth who can escape His love.  All you have to do is accept it.  He's waiting.  He wants you to come home!

Running to Him in Times of Tragedy

For those of you who do read my blogs, I am truly humbled that you would take the time to hear what a college student has to say...really what the Lord has to say through a college student.  I honestly had every intention of writing a post yesterday and even knew what I was going to write about.  But I was at a loss for words... My heart was full of disbelief, sorrow, pain, and anger.  I know I wasn't alone in feeling this way.  As I sat down like I do every day to write my blog, God laid silence on my heart.  Sometimes I think that's what we need...but in our crazy lives, how many times do we just sit in silence.  This post is far from what I had on my heart before tragedy struck Boston yesterday...so here is what's on my heart regarding yesterday's events.

I really encourage you to listen to this song I have posted today, or at least read the lyrics.  I'll post my thoughts after the lyrics.

Sing Along - Christy Nockels

Click Here to Listen

From babies hidden in the shadows
To the cities shining bright
There are captives weeping
Far from sight
For every doorway has a story
And some are holding back the cries
But there is One who hears at the night

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

From the farthest corners of the earth
Still His mercy reaches
Even to the pain we cannot see
And even through the darkness
There's a promise that will keep us
There is One who came to set us free

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

So let Your song rise
And fill up the earth
Let Your hope ring out
Let Your heart be heard

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

We'll sing along (x6)

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

I really don't know what to say.  This world is so broken.  If you don't see just how badly we need to follow Our God right now...you're blind.  If you're offended, I'm really not sorry.  Light offends the Darkness.  God is love, peace, hope, joy....everything this world is in desperate need of.  Our world needs Him.  This song is my prayer.  It truly is.  My first reaction to this was like others...Do I leave my house?  One day, do I bring my own children into this world?  Do we all just run and hide?  The answer is yes...yes...no.  Don't live in fear.  Don't run and hide. Why?  Our God is greater.  God never said life and especially life following Him would be safe...He said it would be worth it.  Do I want my future children to live in such a painful and broken world? Absolutely not...I don't believe God ever wanted us to.  

Our God works for the good of those who follow Him.  He tells us and shows us that so many times in His word.  This act of violence fuels the fire in my soul for sharing His truth.  Instead of running and pushing people away...bring them close.  Love them like Jesus.  Jesus loved those who crucified him.  He tells us to pray for those who persecute them.  Should there be justice? Yes.  But there should be love, forgiveness, and restoration.  I'm not welcoming their destruction and harm...I'm simply saying that is another one of God's creations.  Love them.  Pray for them.  Share Christ with them...with everyone.  Share with your family, your neighbors, your classmates, your teachers, a stranger on the street, a foreigner in another country.  The Great Commission calls us to go.  So go.  He doesn't say "go if it is safe..." He says "Go!" You may not be able to go physically, go in your prayers, in your heart, and in your mind.  Let us build up the body of Christ...make it stronger...make it louder...bring Him glory.

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do..."  Luke 23:34

"Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning."  Psalm 30:5

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:19-20

Healing in His Hands

Another blog post...another song by Christy Nockels.  You surprised?  Here's the deal.  I just got her new CD that I have been dying to get ever since it came out and it's pretty much all that I have been listening to lately!  I believe that God chooses to speak to each of us in our own special ways.  Mine is through music.  If you know me personally, you know that I have a strong passion for the arts, especially music.  Therefore whenever God speaks to me, it's 99.9% of the time through a song that I've heard on the radio, a song I've listened to a million times, or a song that someone randomly shares with me.  This is probably answering your question of why there is almost ALWAYS a song at the end of my blog posts...it's the way the Lord speaks to me and the way that I express my thoughts and feelings.

Anyways...on to what I'm thinking... :)

I don't know about you guys, but whenever I do something wrong or not to the best of my ability, I will sit there and beat myself up over it.  I guess you could say I have a very strong guilt complex and sense of conviction.  Normally this would be a good thing...but when you sit and dwell on the mistakes you've made all of your short comings, its eats away at you.  From what I interpret/understand, it is Satan's way of continuing to pull you farther from Christ.  

So many times I have found myself sulking in my weaknesses instead of running to my loving Father's arms,  I sit there in the darkness of my sin and hide out of shame from my Heavenly Father.  Stop doing this to yourself....He isn't doing it to you.  Here is a real life example.  You all might know by now that I have a Shepard/Lab puppy named Paisley who is coming up on 1.5 years old.  She is such a light and blessing in my life and I'm sure people think I'm a little crazy for admitting it. :)  Well seeing as she is a dog and still in those lovely puppy years, she tends to cross the line every now and then.  

For my birthday almost a year ago, Zack had gotten me these amazing pair of shoes that I had been wanting for forever and I was SO excited.  (Props to him for being a great listener!)  Well one day I came home and found bits of familiar looking fabric spread all throughout my little house.  It took me a minute and looking at her obviously guilty face to realize what she had done.  There in the corner were my brand new shoes (only worn 3 times...might I add) torn to bits.  Hello disappointment!  Then she realized that I figured it out and those ears went back and that tail went between her legs.  Needless to say, she knew I was disappointed.  Paisley knows good and well the difference between my stuff and her toys.  (She tends to be very defiant...maybe God's sending payback for my defiant years through her...oops!)  My point is...I love that dog to death and I care far more about her than a measly pair of shoes.  In some way I think that this shows our Father's love for us.  Nothing Paisley does can make me love her any less.  Did I love those shoes? OF COURSE! But I love my sweet puppy more.  Does God want us to do the right thing? OF COURSE!  But he knows we'll mess up and he loves us any way.

The difference between me and Paisley is that Paisley knows that kind of (unconditional) love and she lives fully in it.  A lot of the times I don't live in Christ's unconditional love for me.  Whenever she messes up, she cowers for a second (obviously her way of saying "Oh snap, Mom, I am SO sorry.  I know better.")  and then she gets over it and embraces the fact that her owner loves her to pieces.  She cuddles with me, she licks my face, she enjoys my love and presence.  Now I know that analogy was quite a long shot...but isn't it true?  How about the next time we mess up and we think there is no way he could forgive us or even still love us, we rest in the fact that he does.  We learn from our mistakes, ask for his forgiveness and fall into His loving and warm embrace.  He loves you and NOTHING you could ever do will EVER separate you from that love.  Rest in it.  Live in it.  Embrace it.

Healing Is In Your Hands - Christy Nockels

Click Here to Listen

No mountain, no valley
No gain or loss we know
Could keep us from Your love

No sickness, no secret
No chain is strong enough
To keep us from Your love
To keep us from Your love

How high? How wide?
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep? How strong?
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future
Our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood
We're covered by Your blood

How high? How wide?
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep? How strong?
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

Sing this in faith
In all things we know that
We are more than conquerors
You keep us by Your love
Sing it out in all things

In all things we know that
We are more than conquerors
You keep us by Your love
You keep us by Your love

How high? How wide? Oh, Lord
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep? How deep is Your love?
How strong? How strong is Your love?
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

All I Need

Man...what a week...well, what a month.  Do you ever just have those weeks or, in my case, those months where you're just stuck in a rut of bad mood, stress, tears, confusion, exhaustion?  Of course you do, we ALL do.  

As I'm preparing to move on to my senior year as an elementary/special education major, the demands are ever increasing.  I do understand that I'm not alone in this one, but this amount of work and stress is definitely not something I was prepared for, nor had I realized would hit me so soon.  I guess you can say I'm being welcomed to the real world with an ever so humbling welcome. 

If you've been around me more than once lately, you've probably noticed my ever-increasing grumpiness and you've probably seen one or more of the following:  tears, anger, panic attacks, hair pulling out, stress eating, stress not eating, etc... It's almost one of those moments where I feel like I'm drowning in my own world but I'm also trying to live in the worlds of my parents, sisters, friends, boyfriend, and yes...even Paisley's world.

Here's the issue.  I feel like sometimes when things get so out of hand and overwhelming we forget things...a lot of things.  We forget that everyone else around us is going through or has been through the same feeling.  We forget how to love those around us by showing patience and a lack of selfishness.  We forget that life moves on whether or not you made your bed or dinner was ready on time.  We forget that we have the BEST lifeguard to pull us from the tossing waves of the ocean of life.  And along with that...we forget that we don't TRULY need any of these things that cause us so much stress and worry...He is truly all that we NEED.  For...as it says in John 15, apart from Him we can do nothing.

Over and over again I have been finding myself saying things like, 

"I NEED more money to do the things I WANT to do."

"I NEED Zack to come home so that I can have my best friend in the same city."

"I NEED to get a perfect score on this assignment."

"I NEED..."

You finish that last one.  We all do it.  But what I have come to realize lately, I don't NEED any of these things.  At all.  I NEED time with my Savior every day.  I NEED to rest in Christ's love for me.  I NEED to stop trying to control my life when He knows exactly what's going to happen.  I NEED to abide in His love, truth, and words every second of every day.  Why?  Because apart from Him I am NOTHING.  Is it wrong to want these things? I don't think so...but is your want for these things an idol?  Are you putting these wants before the One true God that you really do need?  Because that's all they really are...they're merely wants.  

Now, I'm not saying that you can't have anything you want...I'm saying that you have to rest in the fact that God is going to give you everything you need and the more time you spend meditating and praying with your Heavenly Father...the less your wants affect you.  Luckily we have a loving God who delights in our joy and He sends many blessings every day.  But what are your motives when you ask Him for things?  (I promise I'm just as convicted and am no way putting myself above you, reader).  

I've been blessed with numerous job opportunities and loving people who He has used to bless me with work, a place to live, and a homes away from home.  To you all (you know who you are)  I will never be able to have the right words to express my gratitude.  I have been blessed with so many opportunities to spend time with Zack even though He is 200 miles away (only 1 more month)! I have also been blessed with so many family and friends and Godly women who have poured into my life, especially over this past week and have held me accountable and encouraged me.

I'm convicted because some of these things I did ask for out of selfishness...but my God blessed me with them in such a way that said, "I am Your God.  None of this is because of what you have done or will ever do. All of this that I give to you is because of who I am and what I did for You.  You are MY child...I won't let you fall...REST IN ME!"  I don't deserve anything that I have been blessed with over the past few weeks and months or anything from the past 20 years.  I didn't deserve the price He paid for me on that cross so many years ago.  BUT His grace and mercy is enough and it's such a beautiful thing. 

This song is my heart's cry today and every day.  I already have all I need because of Him and who I am in Him.  Let go.  Surrender.  When you realize that He truly is all you need...its a humbling realization.  Plus...You actually realize how blessed you really are.  Christ is the greatest gift we will ever receive.

Already All I Need - Christy Nockels

Click Here to Listen

Asking where You are Lord, wondering where You've been
Is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind
Hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am
Is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand

You fill the sun with morning light
You bent the moon to lead the night
You clothed the lilies bright and beautiful

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.
 
Walking through this life without your freedom in my heart
Is like holding onto shackles that You have torn apart
So remind me of your promises and all that You have done
In this world I will have trouble, but You have overcome
And every gift that I receive, You determined just for me
 
But nothing I desire compares to You
In your fullness, You're my all in all
In your healing, I'm forever made whole
In your freedom, Your love overflows and carries me
You carry me, yes You carry me, You carry me