Running to Him in Times of Tragedy

For those of you who do read my blogs, I am truly humbled that you would take the time to hear what a college student has to say...really what the Lord has to say through a college student.  I honestly had every intention of writing a post yesterday and even knew what I was going to write about.  But I was at a loss for words... My heart was full of disbelief, sorrow, pain, and anger.  I know I wasn't alone in feeling this way.  As I sat down like I do every day to write my blog, God laid silence on my heart.  Sometimes I think that's what we need...but in our crazy lives, how many times do we just sit in silence.  This post is far from what I had on my heart before tragedy struck Boston yesterday...so here is what's on my heart regarding yesterday's events.

I really encourage you to listen to this song I have posted today, or at least read the lyrics.  I'll post my thoughts after the lyrics.

Sing Along - Christy Nockels

Click Here to Listen

From babies hidden in the shadows
To the cities shining bright
There are captives weeping
Far from sight
For every doorway has a story
And some are holding back the cries
But there is One who hears at the night

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

From the farthest corners of the earth
Still His mercy reaches
Even to the pain we cannot see
And even through the darkness
There's a promise that will keep us
There is One who came to set us free

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
So we can join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

So let Your song rise
And fill up the earth
Let Your hope ring out
Let Your heart be heard

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

We'll sing along (x6)

Great God
Wrap Your arms around this world tonight
Around the world tonight
And when You hear our cries
Sing through the night
And we will join in Your song
And sing along
We'll sing along

I really don't know what to say.  This world is so broken.  If you don't see just how badly we need to follow Our God right now...you're blind.  If you're offended, I'm really not sorry.  Light offends the Darkness.  God is love, peace, hope, joy....everything this world is in desperate need of.  Our world needs Him.  This song is my prayer.  It truly is.  My first reaction to this was like others...Do I leave my house?  One day, do I bring my own children into this world?  Do we all just run and hide?  The answer is yes...yes...no.  Don't live in fear.  Don't run and hide. Why?  Our God is greater.  God never said life and especially life following Him would be safe...He said it would be worth it.  Do I want my future children to live in such a painful and broken world? Absolutely not...I don't believe God ever wanted us to.  

Our God works for the good of those who follow Him.  He tells us and shows us that so many times in His word.  This act of violence fuels the fire in my soul for sharing His truth.  Instead of running and pushing people away...bring them close.  Love them like Jesus.  Jesus loved those who crucified him.  He tells us to pray for those who persecute them.  Should there be justice? Yes.  But there should be love, forgiveness, and restoration.  I'm not welcoming their destruction and harm...I'm simply saying that is another one of God's creations.  Love them.  Pray for them.  Share Christ with them...with everyone.  Share with your family, your neighbors, your classmates, your teachers, a stranger on the street, a foreigner in another country.  The Great Commission calls us to go.  So go.  He doesn't say "go if it is safe..." He says "Go!" You may not be able to go physically, go in your prayers, in your heart, and in your mind.  Let us build up the body of Christ...make it stronger...make it louder...bring Him glory.

"Father, forgive them for they know not what they do..."  Luke 23:34

"Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning."  Psalm 30:5

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:19-20

Healing in His Hands

Another blog post...another song by Christy Nockels.  You surprised?  Here's the deal.  I just got her new CD that I have been dying to get ever since it came out and it's pretty much all that I have been listening to lately!  I believe that God chooses to speak to each of us in our own special ways.  Mine is through music.  If you know me personally, you know that I have a strong passion for the arts, especially music.  Therefore whenever God speaks to me, it's 99.9% of the time through a song that I've heard on the radio, a song I've listened to a million times, or a song that someone randomly shares with me.  This is probably answering your question of why there is almost ALWAYS a song at the end of my blog posts...it's the way the Lord speaks to me and the way that I express my thoughts and feelings.

Anyways...on to what I'm thinking... :)

I don't know about you guys, but whenever I do something wrong or not to the best of my ability, I will sit there and beat myself up over it.  I guess you could say I have a very strong guilt complex and sense of conviction.  Normally this would be a good thing...but when you sit and dwell on the mistakes you've made all of your short comings, its eats away at you.  From what I interpret/understand, it is Satan's way of continuing to pull you farther from Christ.  

So many times I have found myself sulking in my weaknesses instead of running to my loving Father's arms,  I sit there in the darkness of my sin and hide out of shame from my Heavenly Father.  Stop doing this to yourself....He isn't doing it to you.  Here is a real life example.  You all might know by now that I have a Shepard/Lab puppy named Paisley who is coming up on 1.5 years old.  She is such a light and blessing in my life and I'm sure people think I'm a little crazy for admitting it. :)  Well seeing as she is a dog and still in those lovely puppy years, she tends to cross the line every now and then.  

For my birthday almost a year ago, Zack had gotten me these amazing pair of shoes that I had been wanting for forever and I was SO excited.  (Props to him for being a great listener!)  Well one day I came home and found bits of familiar looking fabric spread all throughout my little house.  It took me a minute and looking at her obviously guilty face to realize what she had done.  There in the corner were my brand new shoes (only worn 3 times...might I add) torn to bits.  Hello disappointment!  Then she realized that I figured it out and those ears went back and that tail went between her legs.  Needless to say, she knew I was disappointed.  Paisley knows good and well the difference between my stuff and her toys.  (She tends to be very defiant...maybe God's sending payback for my defiant years through her...oops!)  My point is...I love that dog to death and I care far more about her than a measly pair of shoes.  In some way I think that this shows our Father's love for us.  Nothing Paisley does can make me love her any less.  Did I love those shoes? OF COURSE! But I love my sweet puppy more.  Does God want us to do the right thing? OF COURSE!  But he knows we'll mess up and he loves us any way.

The difference between me and Paisley is that Paisley knows that kind of (unconditional) love and she lives fully in it.  A lot of the times I don't live in Christ's unconditional love for me.  Whenever she messes up, she cowers for a second (obviously her way of saying "Oh snap, Mom, I am SO sorry.  I know better.")  and then she gets over it and embraces the fact that her owner loves her to pieces.  She cuddles with me, she licks my face, she enjoys my love and presence.  Now I know that analogy was quite a long shot...but isn't it true?  How about the next time we mess up and we think there is no way he could forgive us or even still love us, we rest in the fact that he does.  We learn from our mistakes, ask for his forgiveness and fall into His loving and warm embrace.  He loves you and NOTHING you could ever do will EVER separate you from that love.  Rest in it.  Live in it.  Embrace it.

Healing Is In Your Hands - Christy Nockels

Click Here to Listen

No mountain, no valley
No gain or loss we know
Could keep us from Your love

No sickness, no secret
No chain is strong enough
To keep us from Your love
To keep us from Your love

How high? How wide?
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep? How strong?
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

Our present, our future
Our past is in Your hands
We're covered by Your blood
We're covered by Your blood

How high? How wide?
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep? How strong?
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

Sing this in faith
In all things we know that
We are more than conquerors
You keep us by Your love
Sing it out in all things

In all things we know that
We are more than conquerors
You keep us by Your love
You keep us by Your love

How high? How wide? Oh, Lord
No matter where I am
Healing is in Your hands

How deep? How deep is Your love?
How strong? How strong is Your love?
Now by Your grace I stand
Healing is in Your hands

All I Need

Man...what a week...well, what a month.  Do you ever just have those weeks or, in my case, those months where you're just stuck in a rut of bad mood, stress, tears, confusion, exhaustion?  Of course you do, we ALL do.  

As I'm preparing to move on to my senior year as an elementary/special education major, the demands are ever increasing.  I do understand that I'm not alone in this one, but this amount of work and stress is definitely not something I was prepared for, nor had I realized would hit me so soon.  I guess you can say I'm being welcomed to the real world with an ever so humbling welcome. 

If you've been around me more than once lately, you've probably noticed my ever-increasing grumpiness and you've probably seen one or more of the following:  tears, anger, panic attacks, hair pulling out, stress eating, stress not eating, etc... It's almost one of those moments where I feel like I'm drowning in my own world but I'm also trying to live in the worlds of my parents, sisters, friends, boyfriend, and yes...even Paisley's world.

Here's the issue.  I feel like sometimes when things get so out of hand and overwhelming we forget things...a lot of things.  We forget that everyone else around us is going through or has been through the same feeling.  We forget how to love those around us by showing patience and a lack of selfishness.  We forget that life moves on whether or not you made your bed or dinner was ready on time.  We forget that we have the BEST lifeguard to pull us from the tossing waves of the ocean of life.  And along with that...we forget that we don't TRULY need any of these things that cause us so much stress and worry...He is truly all that we NEED.  For...as it says in John 15, apart from Him we can do nothing.

Over and over again I have been finding myself saying things like, 

"I NEED more money to do the things I WANT to do."

"I NEED Zack to come home so that I can have my best friend in the same city."

"I NEED to get a perfect score on this assignment."

"I NEED..."

You finish that last one.  We all do it.  But what I have come to realize lately, I don't NEED any of these things.  At all.  I NEED time with my Savior every day.  I NEED to rest in Christ's love for me.  I NEED to stop trying to control my life when He knows exactly what's going to happen.  I NEED to abide in His love, truth, and words every second of every day.  Why?  Because apart from Him I am NOTHING.  Is it wrong to want these things? I don't think so...but is your want for these things an idol?  Are you putting these wants before the One true God that you really do need?  Because that's all they really are...they're merely wants.  

Now, I'm not saying that you can't have anything you want...I'm saying that you have to rest in the fact that God is going to give you everything you need and the more time you spend meditating and praying with your Heavenly Father...the less your wants affect you.  Luckily we have a loving God who delights in our joy and He sends many blessings every day.  But what are your motives when you ask Him for things?  (I promise I'm just as convicted and am no way putting myself above you, reader).  

I've been blessed with numerous job opportunities and loving people who He has used to bless me with work, a place to live, and a homes away from home.  To you all (you know who you are)  I will never be able to have the right words to express my gratitude.  I have been blessed with so many opportunities to spend time with Zack even though He is 200 miles away (only 1 more month)! I have also been blessed with so many family and friends and Godly women who have poured into my life, especially over this past week and have held me accountable and encouraged me.

I'm convicted because some of these things I did ask for out of selfishness...but my God blessed me with them in such a way that said, "I am Your God.  None of this is because of what you have done or will ever do. All of this that I give to you is because of who I am and what I did for You.  You are MY child...I won't let you fall...REST IN ME!"  I don't deserve anything that I have been blessed with over the past few weeks and months or anything from the past 20 years.  I didn't deserve the price He paid for me on that cross so many years ago.  BUT His grace and mercy is enough and it's such a beautiful thing. 

This song is my heart's cry today and every day.  I already have all I need because of Him and who I am in Him.  Let go.  Surrender.  When you realize that He truly is all you need...its a humbling realization.  Plus...You actually realize how blessed you really are.  Christ is the greatest gift we will ever receive.

Already All I Need - Christy Nockels

Click Here to Listen

Asking where You are Lord, wondering where You've been
Is like standing in a hurricane trying to find the wind
Hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am
Is forgetting that your thoughts for me outnumber the sand

You fill the sun with morning light
You bent the moon to lead the night
You clothed the lilies bright and beautiful

You're already all I need
Already everything that I could hope for
You're already all I need
You've already set me, already making me more like you
You're already all I need
Jesus, You're already all I need.
 
Walking through this life without your freedom in my heart
Is like holding onto shackles that You have torn apart
So remind me of your promises and all that You have done
In this world I will have trouble, but You have overcome
And every gift that I receive, You determined just for me
 
But nothing I desire compares to You
In your fullness, You're my all in all
In your healing, I'm forever made whole
In your freedom, Your love overflows and carries me
You carry me, yes You carry me, You carry me

Steady My Heart

   I haven't posted in a while, but this song is really on my heart today.  Here is the beauty of the way that our Lord loves us.  Things may seem hopeless and you may feel like everything is slipping away from you...like you're spinning out of control...but He is there.  He hold us in the PALM of His hands.  

   I find comfort in the fact that 1. He holds us all the time and 2. that my God is big enough to hold me in the PALM of His hands.  If our God is that big, don't you think He is big enough to take care of our tiny problems...even our big ones?  He is big enough to give us peace, hope, and comfort in times where we feel all alone.  He never leaves us.  He is always there.  

   He knows the big picture...we only see one snapshot.  It's like watching a movie 5 minutes at a time.  He is the director and He knows the final outcome, we only see the 5 minutes at a time.  Maybe we have the same outcome in our minds as He really has planned, He just has a different way of getting there.  His way may be more painful and not so easy, but its the best for us.  His way is always the best way even if it leads to the same place. Praise Him through the storm because the storm He may allow you to go through may lead to the same rainbow. As Christians we are to rejoice in our sufferings/trials of any kind.  In Romans 5:3-5, Paul says: 

"..we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  

   He knows.  Rest in that.  He steadies our hearts when they feel completely shaken and broken.

Steady My Heart - Kari Jobe

Click Here to Listen

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy?
Why is pain a part of us?
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much
But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
'Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
I'm not gonna worry I know that You've got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way You plan

You are here
You're real
I know I can trust You
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
'Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
And I will run to You
And find refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
'Cause of everything You are
You steady my heart
Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
'Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart
I'm not gonna worry
I know that you've got me
Right inside the palm of your hand