A Broken World

Today my heart broke.

No worries, Zack and I are still getting married.  He didn't break my heart, the brokenness in this world broke my heart.  For years one of my regular prayers has been, "Lord break my heart for what breaks yours."  This is in fact a prayer that He has answered on numerous occasions.  I find my heart breaking for the lost dog on the side of the road; for the child in my classroom who I know goes home to a loveless building; for those in other parts of the world who don't even know their Heavenly Father's name.  Today my heart broke for those I see walking around my campus filled with hate.

I remember growing up, my parents always told me not to use the word hate because it was a very powerful.  I never understood that statement until recently.  I can honestly say that there is nothing or no one that I hate in this world.  There have been circumstances in my life that have been extremely painful which were brought upon me by myself and individuals who did use hate.  But I can't hate them.  I hurt for the hateful.  I have realized that to hate something or someone is to wish the absolute worst onto it/them.  Where there is hate, there is no good...just as where there is darkness there can be no light.  For those I know and don't know that have hate in their hearts, my heart is broken and I cry and pray. 

During my time here at Ole Miss there have been a number of "hate crimes."  People who have meant no harm have been hurt by hate either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  One of the most recent events was the defacing of the James Meredith statue on our campus.  Three individuals chose to project their hatred on a symbol and a person who embodies the very essence of forgiveness, strength, and courage.  James Meredith, even for me, symbolizes hope and the promise of a bright future.  Someone chose to deface that.  It breaks my heart.  This is not what this post is about however.

What I witnessed today was a group of people not committing a crime, but a group of people living in a very dark world.  There are days when I get angry and I don't want to do what I am supposed to.  There are days where I dislike situations and even find myself disliking people.  That is wrong of me, but I am being honest.  However, there is never a day where I am full of hate.  Hate for others, hate for authority, hate for even myself.  That is what I saw today.

As I was sitting and helping Zack with a written assignment (I'm the writer in the pair), a young woman walked past me to her normal area where her and her friends usually sit.  She was obviously upset about something and I wish I could un-hear everything I heard.  She stated, "I --- hate her.  I wish someone would violently rape her."  It took everything for me not to say something as I wiped away a tear.  How could someone wish something so terrible on someone they probably don't even know?  There is no excuse for that sort of hatred.  I would say I was curious so I continued to listen, but I was pretty much forced to since her and her "friends" practically imposed their conversations on those of us surrounding them.  I was in shock.  This group of people had nothing kind to say...out of the 15 minutes I was sitting there, they were degrading each other, using the foulest of language, and being so incredibly vulgar and inappropriate that I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to relocate.

But it really hit me.  There are people in our very city, neighborhood, and schools who are hurting.  My dad always told me that hurting people hurt people.  They were hurting each other...those they called their friends and it was okay...it was normal!  That is the problem with our world!  We don't care who we hurt...we let selfishness and hate take over and say (forgive me), "to hell with anyone who gets in our way!"  WHY??  I do wish I had said something...I wish I could have.  I alone did not have the courage or strength to say anything.  Who knows what would have happened.  From what I could tell confrontation was going to get me no where with this group.  However, I can still pray for them.  I do not know their names, and some of them I don't even know their faces.  But I do know that our Father created them and loves them all the same.  And we should too...not just them, but all of those around us.

So I pray that He comes and through us will build His kingdom here.  Let the light within us, his Holy Spirit, shine so bright and chase away the darkness of this world.  We cannot do it alone, but together and with Christ as our anchor, we can most definitely change the world.

Let this be our prayer:  Build Your Kingdom Here by Rend Collective

Going to the Chapel...Well Not Exactly

Oh the engaged life.  Needless to say...it's a trip.
People ask you a thousand questions, you make a thousand more phone calls, and make even more decisions. What color dresses? What flavor cake? Who do you invite? Heels? Flats? Long veil? No veil?
Can anyone blame a bride for being exhausted?!

However, there is one question I've gotten asked that will get more of an answer than, "guess you'll have to wait and see!"  Zack and I have decided to take an untraditional route and get married in the grove here at Ole Miss. If you've ever been to our campus during the spring time you know exactly why someone might. It's not your typical Saturday covered in tents kind of grove. It's a peaceful place of pure beauty. A place that makes me feel at home 200 miles away. One of the questions we have gotten is "Why not in a church, why on a Sunday?" I guess that's 2 questions...doesn't matter.

Here is my answer. I just recently figured it out, by the way. :)

Let's tackle the Sunday part first.  For Zack and I, marriage is not just a must do because you're in love or it's the next step kind of thing. It was created by God, for God. Our sole purpose is to use our relationship to to push each other towards our Heavenly Father and for us, as two becoming one, to bring Him the utmost glory. We want our marriage to be completely centered and focused on Him. We pray that our ceremony will be seen as what it is, a simple act of worship. (My parents would probably laugh at the use of the word simple here!) Now by all means if you get married on a Saturday I am in no way saying you are bringing God less glory.  A Saturday wedding just isn't our style. It's not how we envision it. It is our act of worship and everyone has their own way of worshipping.

Now for the non-traditional setting. Yes we are members of a church here in Oxford. It's actually our rain plan. But it's not where my heart wants to be on May 18, 2014. Church is not defined by the walls in which our worshipping is held. Plain and simple. Church is the body of Christ coming together to praise the One who gives us life. For me I feel closet to God, not in Church, but in the midst of His very creation. On my wedding day I want to be in a place where I feel the most connected to His love and mercy. He takes my breath away every time I step outside. I'm overwhelmed with His presence and in complete awe when I see the world around me. On the day that I make my vows to Zack and we make our covenant with God, I want to be immersed in His creation while surrounded by the love of all of those who have encouraged, prayed, and loved us through the beginning of our life long journey. That's why we, or I at least, chose the grove.

The other day I stood in the very spot where I will say "I do," "I will," and "I love you more than I love myself." I will not only be making a promise to Zack but a promise to God saying that I will love both of them with everything I have.  With Zack I will serve the One true God until my last breath.  I was overcome with joy, peace, hope, and excitement.  I was humbled by the thought that just over 24 years ago God sent to this Earth a man made especially for me. Someone who I can glorify my Father with.