A Broken World

Today my heart broke.

No worries, Zack and I are still getting married.  He didn't break my heart, the brokenness in this world broke my heart.  For years one of my regular prayers has been, "Lord break my heart for what breaks yours."  This is in fact a prayer that He has answered on numerous occasions.  I find my heart breaking for the lost dog on the side of the road; for the child in my classroom who I know goes home to a loveless building; for those in other parts of the world who don't even know their Heavenly Father's name.  Today my heart broke for those I see walking around my campus filled with hate.

I remember growing up, my parents always told me not to use the word hate because it was a very powerful.  I never understood that statement until recently.  I can honestly say that there is nothing or no one that I hate in this world.  There have been circumstances in my life that have been extremely painful which were brought upon me by myself and individuals who did use hate.  But I can't hate them.  I hurt for the hateful.  I have realized that to hate something or someone is to wish the absolute worst onto it/them.  Where there is hate, there is no good...just as where there is darkness there can be no light.  For those I know and don't know that have hate in their hearts, my heart is broken and I cry and pray. 

During my time here at Ole Miss there have been a number of "hate crimes."  People who have meant no harm have been hurt by hate either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  One of the most recent events was the defacing of the James Meredith statue on our campus.  Three individuals chose to project their hatred on a symbol and a person who embodies the very essence of forgiveness, strength, and courage.  James Meredith, even for me, symbolizes hope and the promise of a bright future.  Someone chose to deface that.  It breaks my heart.  This is not what this post is about however.

What I witnessed today was a group of people not committing a crime, but a group of people living in a very dark world.  There are days when I get angry and I don't want to do what I am supposed to.  There are days where I dislike situations and even find myself disliking people.  That is wrong of me, but I am being honest.  However, there is never a day where I am full of hate.  Hate for others, hate for authority, hate for even myself.  That is what I saw today.

As I was sitting and helping Zack with a written assignment (I'm the writer in the pair), a young woman walked past me to her normal area where her and her friends usually sit.  She was obviously upset about something and I wish I could un-hear everything I heard.  She stated, "I --- hate her.  I wish someone would violently rape her."  It took everything for me not to say something as I wiped away a tear.  How could someone wish something so terrible on someone they probably don't even know?  There is no excuse for that sort of hatred.  I would say I was curious so I continued to listen, but I was pretty much forced to since her and her "friends" practically imposed their conversations on those of us surrounding them.  I was in shock.  This group of people had nothing kind to say...out of the 15 minutes I was sitting there, they were degrading each other, using the foulest of language, and being so incredibly vulgar and inappropriate that I couldn't stand it anymore and decided to relocate.

But it really hit me.  There are people in our very city, neighborhood, and schools who are hurting.  My dad always told me that hurting people hurt people.  They were hurting each other...those they called their friends and it was okay...it was normal!  That is the problem with our world!  We don't care who we hurt...we let selfishness and hate take over and say (forgive me), "to hell with anyone who gets in our way!"  WHY??  I do wish I had said something...I wish I could have.  I alone did not have the courage or strength to say anything.  Who knows what would have happened.  From what I could tell confrontation was going to get me no where with this group.  However, I can still pray for them.  I do not know their names, and some of them I don't even know their faces.  But I do know that our Father created them and loves them all the same.  And we should too...not just them, but all of those around us.

So I pray that He comes and through us will build His kingdom here.  Let the light within us, his Holy Spirit, shine so bright and chase away the darkness of this world.  We cannot do it alone, but together and with Christ as our anchor, we can most definitely change the world.

Let this be our prayer:  Build Your Kingdom Here by Rend Collective